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Six tips for turning difficult discussions into healthy conversations

Honest feedback is an important part of a healthy workplace. Here are six tips for turning difficult discussions into positive, productive conversations.

3 minute read

Having a courageous conversation at work can feel daunting. But when it’s done well, the impact on both people can be a stronger, more positive, and productive working relationship.

1. Assess whether you can have a conversation safely

If the scenario involves something serious, like bullying, it’s best to seek third-party support first. For employees this might involve their manager, and for managers/business owners, they may need a professional advisor. However, if the conversation you need to have is about something like repeatedly being late to meetings, you can approach it one-on-one.

2. Get clear on what you want the outcome to be

Do you simply want to be heard, or to strengthen the relationship, or for the person’s behaviour to change? It’s important you know and can communicate that. It’s also important to understand that you may not get the outcome you’re looking for, especially at first.

3. Be prepared

Write down what you need to say. Reflect on it. How could you positively introduce the issue? An example of that might be: “our working relationship is really important to me, so I wanted to give you some feedback that I think could strengthen it”. It’s wise to think about how the conversation could go from the other person’s perspective too, are you ready to hear and address feedback they have?

4. Pick your moment

This is a judgement call, and it has a lot to do with your unique relationship with the person. In any event, it’s important you’re feeling calm, prepared, and open minded for a two-way discussion. This can be in the moment when an issue has arisen, if it feels appropriate, or a time you arrange. Either way, ensure your choice of moment places you both in a good position to openly discuss the issue.

5. Take the plunge

Have the conversation and be clear about what you would like to happen, for example, “When you talk over me in meetings, I feel like my contributions aren’t important. I prefer that you waited until I finished speaking – is that something you could try?” Be open to hearing the other person’s view and ask what is happening for them in those moments. If things don’t go well, it’s ok to pause the conversation and take some time before discussing it further.

If you do have to pause, commit to a reschedule. For managers, it’s important to ask employees what support they would like, perhaps they need some time off, or to bring a support person with them to the next conversation. The aim is for a conversation that is respectful, supported, and safe for everyone.

6. Follow-up

After the meeting, send the person an email to thank them for making the time, reinforce your intention (e.g. a stronger working relationship), include a summary of what was discussed and agreed actions. Ask for their feedback on this too – did you miss anything? This is important – if the issue needs escalation, you’ll have a record of what work has been done to address it. It’s also important to check in on how things are going down the track, and to talk about what’s changed and what still needs work.

If the change you were hoping for hasn’t happened, it’s important to understand that someone else’s behaviour is ultimately outside your control – perhaps you have done everything you reasonably can. If it’s still a problem for you, you may want to consider seeking expert guidance.

The role of experts

While it’s important business owners/managers and employees alike feel empowered to have difficult conversations themselves, there are times when having expert guidance can make all the difference. You may want to consider solutions such as MyHR – an online platform and on-call team of experts offering a complete outsourced HR service. Contact them for more about what they can offer for your HR needs.

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This article is solely for information purposes and is not intended to be advice with respect to any matter discussed in it. If you need help, please contact BNZ or your professional adviser. Neither BNZ nor any person involved in the material accepts any liability for any direct or indirect loss or damage arising out of the use of, or reliance on, all or any part of the content. References to third party websites are provided for your convenience only. BNZ accepts no responsibility for the availability or content of such websites.